According to a Chinese Philosopher, “He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.” ~ Lao Tzu (Tzu, n.d.) One way to recognize when you are enough is to focus on your goals. There is a four-step process renown business coach Tony Robbins recommends based on the concept of Smart Goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely): Step 1: Face Your Fears Step 2: Become Accountable Step 3: Re-focus on Your Goals Step 4: Create a Personalized Plan (Robbins, n.d.) Once you understand your goals and know how to measure them, it remains imperative that you continue your self-awareness by breaking out of negative thought patterns by following these six practices:
We have explored the concept of “I Am Enough” throughout this past year. Some conclusions we can draw from this study include recognizing the value of positive self-talk, believing that we are enough, knowing that comparing ourselves to others is a form of negative self-talk, the imposter syndrome, and the importance of goal setting. When thoughts of inadequacy start to run through your mind, you may even subconsciously look for signs that you don’t measure up. Shifting your thinking patterns away from this self-defeating cycle is possible, which allows healing to take place. As human beings, we often find ourselves wallowing in patterns of self-denial, negativity, and passive behavior. When we find these thought processes start taking over, we start to feel that we are NOT enough. This is when we need to recognize that, no matter what others may think, or what others may say we ARE enough. A final thought to end the year on a positive note: Overthinking about the best way to be productive won’t actually make one more productive, being productive will. References
Robbins, T. (n.d.). Break Through Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life. Retrieved from TonyRobbins.com: https://www.tonyrobbins.com/stories/coaching/learning-to-be-enough/ Taylor Counseling Group. (2020, November 10). 6 Ways to Stop Thinking You’re Not “Good Enough”. Retrieved from Taylor Counseling Group: https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/blog/6-ways-to-stop-thinking-youre-not-good-enough/ Tzu, L. (n.d.). Lao Tzu Quotes. Retrieved from BrainyQuote.com: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/lao_tzu_137141
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We spend much of our time trying to be perfect. Perfect parents, perfect workers, perfect friends, perfect siblings, perfect children. Why not change that thought process to understanding and believing that showing up and doing our best is ENOUGH. We cannot be perfect in everything. Repeat this mantra: “I’m already enough.” The other thing to understand and celebrate is when our friends, family, and co-workers show up and try to do their best, they are also ENOUGH. If we continually look for perfect people to share our lives with, we will be sorely disappointed. Nobody is perfect. “While believing that there’s value in healthy striving, we must recognize that our enoughness has nothing to do with our achievements. Being enough has nothing to do with anything for that matter. We’re simply enough, just as we are, no matter what we do or don’t do. “No matter who you are or where your journey has taken you, you already have everything you need to start taking steps toward creating a life you truly love.” (Sherer, 2023) What do you believe makes you enough? If you answered that question in any other way than “I am enough simply because I’m me,” then you’re certainly not alone. “Studies suggest 85 percent of people experience a sense of not being enough at some point in their lives.” (Ubbenga, 2020) So, let’s get back to surrounding yourself with people who are ENOUGH. According to research by social psychologist Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, the people you habitually associate with determine as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life. Therefore, it makes sense that you surround yourself with people who also believe that they are ENOUGH. People who constantly belittle others or are always exhibiting negative self-talk are more than likely unhappy or not convinced they are ENOUGH. Their behavior and negativity can rub off on you, changing your mantras to ANTS. (Automatic Negative Thoughts) Eliminating ANTS is crucial for brain health. Negative thoughts change brain chemistry, causing problems in the brain, which can lead to depression and feelings of not being enough. It is not easy to completely eliminate the negativity in the people around you, or even in your own thoughts, but if you work at it, recognizing the power of the negativity and strive to overcome it, you will continue to be ENOUGH, and surround yourself with those people who believe they are also ENOUGH. References
Sherer, H. (2023). This is why you’re already enough. Retrieved from Holly Sherer.com: https://www.hollyscherer.com/enough/ Ubbenga, J. (2020, September 5). A Blueprint for Believing You Are Enough. Retrieved from Rich in What Matters: Live Life Intentionally: https://richinwhatmatters.com/2020/09/05/a-blueprint-for-believing-you-are-enough/ The last time we were together on this page, we talked about words – and how synonyms could sometimes convey the wrong meaning of the concept we are exploring. For example, saying I am Adequate does not convey the same positive meaning as saying I am Enough. Adequate actually conveys the idea that I could be more. Now, let’s take a look at Antonyms for Enough. An antonym is the opposite. How many times have you uttered the words Inadequate or Insufficient? Both of these words are antonyms for Enough. (Antonyms for enough, n.d.) There are others: deficient, drained, exhausted, you get the picture. Language can create havoc and even destruction when used as a weapon. When choosing the words you use, it is imperative that you consider the consequences of those words. Inadvertently using an antonym can change the course of the conversation, or using a synonym that doesn’t convey the emotion you wish to convey can actually cause a misunderstanding. “I am enough” is a powerful affirmation that means you accept and love yourself just the way you are, without feeling the need to change or prove yourself to anyone else. (Favour, 2023) Language affects our thinking more than we realize. It widens our perspective and changes our perception of the world. (Zagada, 2020) Words can be interpreted differently based on the person’s cultural, educational, and social background. That is why one person can hear something and react differently than another person hearing the exact same thing. For example, you say, “I am enough,” and one person believes that you are self-sufficient, care for yourself, and satisfied with who you are. Another person, hearing the same thing, may add a nuance of doubt or disbelief in what you are saying. Perhaps they have heard the statement before from someone else who was being sarcastic, and therefore believe you also are being sarcastic. As you are speaking, or writing, be diligent in the wording you use. Make sure the meaning you are conveying is the meaning you wish others to understand. Words are powerful, words can be empowering, and words can be destructive. Say what you mean and mean what you say. (Flaxington, 2016) References
Antonyms for enough. (n.d.). Retrieved from Synonyms: https://www.synonyms.com/antonyms/enough Favour. (2023). 70 “I Am Enough” Quotes To Boost Your Self Worth. Retrieved from SelfHelpJourney: https://selfhealjourney.com/2023/08/17/i-am-enough-quotes/ Flaxington, B. D. (2016, July 26). Say What You Mean; Mean What You Say. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understand-other-people/201607/say-what-you-mean-mean-what-you-say Zagada, M. (2020, March 13). More Than Words: How Language Affects The Way We Think. Retrieved from GoFluent: https://www.gofluent.com/us-en/blog/how-language-affects-the-way-we-think/ There are estimates showing there are more than a million words in the English language, and it is growing by thousands every year. Think about that for a minute. It’s important to remember that this includes different forms of the same word. It also includes lots of words that we could call archaic or old-fashioned. According to some experts, adult native speakers of English have a vocabulary of 20,000-35,000 words. (WIL, n.d.) That’s a lot of words! Today I want to look at one word, the word we have been exploring all year: ENOUGH. A Synonym is a word with a similar meaning as the original word. The phrase, “I am Enough!” can become somewhat cliché, so we can use Synonyms to express the same sentiment. Or can we? Take the word Abundant. That sounds like a good synonym for Enough, doesn’t it? If I say, I have Enough self-esteem, or I have Abundant self-esteem, I’m saying the same thing, right? What about Bellyful. That is also a synonym for Enough, according to Dictionary.com. Are we saying the same thing? The term, Bellyful implies we are not exactly happy about whatever we have enough of. Two more synonyms, Adequate and Last Straw, have almost opposing meanings. (Enough, n.d.) Even though they are synonyms of Enough, we need to be careful how we use the words, as they can be taken differently by different people. Whether using the words as nouns or adjectives is also going to have an effect on the meaning of the word. While some languages have only one word for one meaning, English uses a variety of words to convey a single meaning, each with its own unique and subtle distinction. (Ellis, 2022) Having a good command of the language means using the words appropriately. If you are tempted to use synonyms, be careful that you are using words that convey the meaning you wish to convey. Next time we will discuss Antonyms – or opposites. References
Ellis, M. (2022, August 16). Synonym: Definition and Examples. Retrieved from Grammarly.com: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/synonyms Enough. (n.d.). Retrieved from Dictionary.com: https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/enough WIL. (n.d.). How Many Words in the English Language. Retrieved from English Live: https://englishlive.ef.com/blog/language-lab/many-words-english-language/ It’s coming! You’ve already seen the displays in the stores: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Years Eve, and I’m sure there are more. It’s The Holiday Season, a time when stress levels are on the rise for some of us. In fact, In a research study by Healthline, “Sixty-two percent of respondents described their stress level as “very or somewhat” elevated during the holidays, while only 10 percent reported no stress during the season. (Garstkiewicz, 2023) So, the question before us is, how do we cope and remain ENOUGH during what can be trying times? It’s important to maintain our own mental health while also maintaining all the things that go along with holidays. Some techniques to try include: 1.Give yourself a healing space. 2.Allow yourself to reach out for help. 3.Let your needs be known. 4.Express gratitude. 5.Volunteer or give kindness. 6.Give yourself love and kindness too. You are worthy of receiving the gifts of self-love, confidence, self-validation, and mental wellness. You are worthy of gifting yourself a break and pouring into yourself for a change. Being who you are is a gift. Taking care of yourself and loving yourself is a gift. (Watts, 2022) It's also important to give yourself a break during any stressful time in your life. The holidays are so filled with “doing for others” we often forget to “do for ourselves.” Taking a break will help you to recharge physically, mentally, and emotionally after a long period of working or even playing hard. One method of taking a break is to give yourself permission to be unavailable. Yes, that’s right. You can say “No.” It’s ok to NOT do everything for everyone. This is true for any situation, including moving, changing jobs, getting married, having children, and the holidays. When we are always there for others, they start to expect that, and they will continue to ask because they know we won’t say NO. Then we become even more stressed because we have even more to do. Be unavailable sometimes. You can be ENOUGH without being ALL. References
Garstkiewicz, C. (2023, July 27). Self-Love During the Holidays. Retrieved from Clarity Clinic: https://www.claritychi.com/self-love-during-the-holidays/ Watts, I. (2022, December 19). Give Yourself the GIft of Self Love this Holiday. Retrieved from Beautifully Simply You: https://beautifullysimplyyou.com/2022/12/19/give-yourself-the-gift-of-self-love-this-holiday/ The title of this post may, on the surface, look like it is grammatically incorrect, but we’re using SAD as an acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder. SAD is a form of depression that occurs seasonally. Some experience a deeper depression when the days get shorter. This disorder lightens as the days get longer in the Spring, thus the moniker Seasonal. The depression can affect your mood, sleep, appetite, and energy levels, taking a toll on all aspects of your life from your relationships and social life to work, school, and your sense of self-worth. (Lawrence Robinson and Jeanne Segal, n.d.) While shorter days and cooler temperatures may make one occasionally feel a bit blue or down in the dumps, it is nothing to worry about unless the symptoms crop up every fall/winter or become severely affective. In that case, it may be SAD. Signs of SAD are similar to those of deep depression, the only difference being the onset of seasonal changes like fall to winter and sometimes even spring to summer. Summer SAD can be less severe, but still real to the person experiencing it. If you find that your depression deepens in the winter but by spring you are feeling fine, you may be suffering from SAD. Here are some of the symptoms to look out for:
If you are experiencing SAD symptoms at the change in seasons, it’s time for some self-care. Self-care is a practice rooted in self-kindness and compassion, dedicated to enhancing emotional, mental, and physical well-being. (Dye, 2023) There are ways to combat the feelings of low self-esteem and depression experienced during the change of seasons. Think about the last time you had a spa day or went for a mani-pedi? Did you experience a lift in your mood, even if temporary? That is self-care, something that can keep your spirits out of the doldrums during these times. Here is a list of ten ways you can practice some self-care without going to the spa: 1. Don’t compare yourself to others While the seasons are changing, days are getting shorter, cooler temperatures are on the horizon, this is not a time for your mood to change, or for depression to be setting in. Remember, you are enough, whether it is Spring, Summer, Fall, or Winter! Take care of your self as the environment around changes, watch out for some of the symptoms and do something to waylay those symptoms. References
Dye, J. (2023, October 4). Enjoying, Not Just Enduring, a Change in Seasons. Retrieved from Meridian Magazine: https://latterdaysaintmag.com/enjoying-not-just-enduring-a-change-in-seasons/ Lawrence Robinson and Jeanne Segal, P. (n.d.). What is seasonal affective disorder (SAD)? . Retrieved from HelpGuide.org: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad.htm#: Woodfill, T. (2018, November 2). Some Positive Self-Esteem Tips. Retrieved from Defeat Suicide Foundation: https://www.defeatsuicide.com/post/some-positive-self-esteem-tips Embracing diversity does not mean trying to be color-blind or pretending that other races, cultures, political parties, religious sects, or social affiliations don’t exist, rather it means not believing you know anything about a person based on their identity. Each of us is enough, as we have been discovering throughout this year’s post theme, but we must also recognize that our “enough” is not the same as another’s “enough.” We are all unique individuals, sharing some qualities, but embodying other, diverse qualities. Embracing diversity means recognizing those differences, whether or not we agree with them. In other words, avoid stereotyping. This means “being respectful, which is the key to adapting to a new, diverse environment. To prevent or resolve conflicts that may occur in any social interaction, you should maintain an attitude of respect for others, be open-minded and willing to compromise, and know how to work together calmly to resolve conflicts.” (How To Embrace Diversity in Various Forms, 2021) An effective way to do this is to find common ground. Instead of focusing on the differences between parties, find out the similarities. Always be respectful of the differences, but working from a standpoint of common ground will provide a much better relationship. Recognizing and being respectful of other’s differences starts with accepting our own differences. Once we do that, we are going to be better able to relate to others. It’s one thing to have an opinion on something, yet quite another to try to force others to conform to our way of thinking. That is not embracing diversity, that is exhibiting privilege. The “I am right, you are wrong” attitude will get you nowhere. “We’re all wired differently and have different priorities, beliefs, and values. Through an exploration of these individual factors, we can learn how to better appreciate ourselves―and in turn, how to love more deeply, think more expansively, and live more abundantly.” (Dutt, n.d.) According to an article published in Illumination, there are four types of self-related beliefs we embody: 1.Identity (who people think they are and what they think they’re like) 2.Self-confidence/efficacy (people’s beliefs about what they can do) 3.Self-esteem (people’s evaluations of themselves) 4.Self-compassion (how people think about themselves when bad things happen). (Sapien, 2022) Go through the four types and think about how you identify yourself from each perspective. Knowing who you are, who others think you are, and how you think about yourself is a giant step toward accepting our own diversity, and having compassion, as well as respect, for other’s diversity. References
Dutt, S. (n.d.). Embrace Our Differences: The Psychology of Self-Acceptance. Retrieved from Search Medium: https://medium.com/som-dutts-philosophy/embrace-our-differences-the-psychology-of-self-acceptance-7009b2469439 How To Embrace Diversity in Various Forms. (2021, December 9). Retrieved from Luther College: https://www.luther.edu/inside-college-admissions-blog/how-to-embrace-diversity-in-various-forms#: Sapien. (2022, May 14). The 4 Types of Self-Related Beliefs and How What You Say to Yourself Improve Your Life. Retrieved from Search Medium: https://medium.com/illumination/the-4-types-of-self-related-beliefs-and-how-what-you-say-to-yourself-improve-your-life-a4646f59a9de#: Sometimes when one hears that someone is alone, the automatic assumption is that person is lonely. But the two concepts are actually very different. As we age, and start to lose the people we have surrounded ourselves with, loneliness can set in, even if we are actually in the company of others. Maybe you’re a person who absolutely basks in solitude. You’re not antisocial, friendless, or loveless. You’re just quite content with alone time. In fact, you look forward to it. That’s simply being alone, not being lonely. On the other hand, maybe you’re surrounded by family and friends but not really relating beyond a surface level, which has you feeling rather empty and disconnected. Or maybe being alone just leaves you sad and longing for company. That’s loneliness. (Pietrangelo, 2023) This year we have been delving into the concept of “I Am Enough!” and it’s important to remember that we are enough, even when we are alone. There are ways to learn how to enjoy being alone if you are not one of those aforementioned people who bask in solitude. Humans, being social animals, generally relish the company of other humans, but we can learn to be happy with ourselves. After all, WE ARE ENOUGH! Here are some tips to jumpstart that happiness: Learning to Love Your Solitude
Taking these tips in mind will help you be more comfortable as your web of family and friends slowly shrinks. Age, time, and circumstance all play a role in the size of our communities. References
Griffin, T. (2022, September 28). How to Stay True to Yourself. Retrieved from wikiHow to do anything. . . : https://www.wikihow.com/Stay-True-to-Yourself Pietrangelo, A. (2023, March 15). The Beginner's Guide to Being Happy Alone. Retrieved from United Healthcare : https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-be-happy-alone Just saying, “I am enough,” doesn’t mean you have finally arrived. It doesn’t mean you have worked hard enough, tried hard enough, spent enough money, or done anything enough. It does mean that you are you, and you have accepted yourself for exactly who you are. “Enough” means you don’t have to crave for everything, and you don’t always need to be everything. (I am Enough Meaning, n.d.) So, what does this mean? Are we to simply accept our flaws and inconsistencies and move on? No. What it means is that you are enough without striving to become more worthy, more valid, more acceptable, or more loved. You already are all of those things. There are things you might want to be more of. More open. More honest. More true. More authentic. More free. More connected. More intentional. More purposeful. Those are all expressions of your enough-ness. They aren’t about changing yourself, they’re about being yourself. You are enough as you are, mess and all, beautiful and broken, showing up for your life every day. That’s all you have to be and all you have to do. You’re already enough. (Wilkins, What It Means to Be Enough, 2017) Understanding and accepting yourself for who you are is the important first step in owning the phrase “I am Enough.” It is always good to improve ourselves through education, experience, and practice, but not at the expense of loosing ourselves in the whole “I’m not good enough” downward spiral. Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking that you're not good enough. Some tips to help you know that you are enough: Know that your mind can trick you. The truth is that you are good enough, no matter what you think. Your mind is just not telling you. (Hugo, 2023) References
Hugo. (2023, January 19). 7 Ways to Remember That You're Good Enough (With Examples). Retrieved from Tracking Happiness: https://www.trackinghappiness.com/you-are-good-enough/ I am Enough Meaning. (n.d.). Retrieved from ENOVGH: https://www.enovgh.com/i-am-enough-meaning/ Wilkins, M. C. (2017). What it Means to be Enough. Retrieved from melissacamarawilkins.com: https://melissacamarawilkins.com/what-it-means-to-be-enough/ The World Health Organization defines self-care as: “The ability of individuals, families, and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a health worker.” (Self-care interventions for health, n.d.) Self-care is a large part of maintaining the concept of “I am enough.” We can’t continue to believe that we are enough if we are not taking care of ourselves. It’s not enough to just make the statement then sit back and expect everything to be perfect. Being “Enough” takes work, and self-care is one part of that work. There are several techniques that can be used to take care of ourselves. A list presented by Walt’s Waltz encompasses many of them: Visualize & Reflect - What does self-care look like for you. Picture yourself practicing self-care. Practice Mindfulness - Pay attention to the present moment with intention, kindness, & curiosity. Acknowledge Emotions - Try to describe and observe feelings, bodily sensations, and thoughts without judgment. Engage the five senses - Breathe, deliberately breathe more deeply and slowly using long, slow exhalations Notice Stress within Your Body. Deliberately tense and relax large muscle groups. Begin with toes moving to legs, torso, arms, neck, and facial muscles. Tense each set of muscles, hold the tension, then slowly release the tension, and notice the difference. Listen to Music calming, soothing to you. Can activate your social safety system. View Pictures linked to warmth, joy, a sense of peace. Possibly, pictures of family, loved ones, friends, pets, landscapes, or whatever provides you comfort. (Welcome to Walt’s Waltz Self-Care Tips page!, n.d.) Self-care is not the same for everyone. Self-care requires checking in with yourself and asking yourself how you’re doing physically, mentally, and emotionally. Some people use it to deal with difficult news stories, while others practice self-care just to maintain their happiness day to day. (Lawler, 2023) There are several different kinds of self-care, including: Self-care is not something one engages in for selfish reasons or simple self-indulgence. Self-care means taking care of yourself so that you can be healthy, you can be well, you can do your job, you can help and care for others, and you can do all the things you need to and want to accomplish in a day. Here are some tips to starting and maintaining a self-care routine that will not only benefit you, but those around you:
References
Lawler, M. (2023, March 17). What Is Self-Care, and Why Is It So Important for Your Health? Retrieved from Everyday Health: https://www.everydayhealth.com/self-care/#definition Self-care interventions for health. (n.d.). Retrieved from World Health Organization: https://www.who.int/health-topics/self-care#tab=tab_1 Welcome to Walt’s Waltz Self-Care Tips page! (n.d.). Retrieved from Walt's Waltz: https://www.waltswaltz.com/resourcesself-care |
AuthorI am a Performance Enhancement Specialist with a background in Emergency Psychiatric Medicine and Community Addiction. Archives
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