This past year’s blog posts have concentrated on the theme of living your best life. We’ve covered the topic quite thoroughly, and wish to end the year by discussing boundaries. According to the dictionary, a boundary is something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent. (Mirriam-Webster, n.d.) When looking at boundaries in the context of living your best life, they are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. Understanding where those boundaries are and how to express those boundaries effectively will aid you in your efforts to live your best life. Someone who has healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships. A handout provided by Therapistaid.com gives a list of the characteristics of the three types of personal boundaries: Rigid, Porous, and Healthy. (Therapistaid.com, 2016) Basically, a person with Rigid boundaries avoids intimacy and personal relationships, one with Porous boundaries had difficulty saying no, and one with Healthy boundaries doesn’t compromise values for others. According to psychotherapist Sharon Martin, there are seven types of boundaries a person may need as they move through their lives. Boundaries keep people safe and differentiate them from others. Seven common boundaries are: 1) Physical Boundaries Physical boundaries protect your space and body, your right to not be touched, to have privacy, and to meet your physical needs such as resting or eating. 2) Sexual Boundaries Sexual boundaries protect your right to consent, to ask for what you like sexually, and to honesty about your partners sexual history. 3) Emotional or Mental Boundaries Emotional or mental boundaries protect your right to have your own feelings and thoughts, to not have your feelings criticized or invalidated, and not have to take care of other people’s feelings. 4) Spiritual or Religious Boundaries Spiritual boundaries protect your right to believe in what you want, worship as you wish, and practice your spiritual or religious beliefs. 5) Financial and Material Boundaries Financial and material boundaries protect your financial resources and possessions, your right to spend your money as you choose, to not give or loan your money or possessions if you don’t want to, and your right to be paid by an employer as agreed. 6) Time Boundaries Time boundaries protect how you spend your time. They protect you from agreeing to do things you don’t want to do, having people waste your time, and being overworked. 7) Non-Negotiable Boundaries Non-negotiable boundaries are deal-breakers, things that you absolutely must have in order to feel safe. They usually pertain to safety issues such as physical violence, emotional abuse, drug or alcohol use, fidelity, and life-threatening health issues. (Martin, 2020) As you move into 2023, consider your own boundaries. Are they too rigid? Do you tend to isolate yourself from others? Or are they too porous – causing you to spend too much time with people you don’t truly like? Setting healthy boundaries will help ensure your relationships, both personal and professional, are fulfilling and ensure that you use your time, energy, and resources for what matters most to you. References
Martin, S. (2020, April 23). 7 Types of Boundaries You May Need. Retrieved from PsycheCentral: https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2020/04/7-types-of-boundaries-you-may-need Mirriam-Webster. (n.d.). Mirriam-websterdictionary/boundary. Retrieved from Mirriam-Webster dictionary: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/boundary Therapistaid.com. (2016). What Are Personal Boundaries? Retrieved from Berkeley.edu/sites: https://uhs.berkeley.edu/sites/default/files/relationships_personal_boundaries.pdf
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Now that we have nearly finished 2022, it is time to start thinking about how we will take the things we have learned this year to improve our circumstances in 2023. Happiness is something that can’t be compared or measured – one person’s happiness is not the same as the next person’s. However, there are ways to prepare for your happiness in the coming year. Living your best life, as we have been exploring in this blog this year is just the beginning. It’s time now to reflect on the many ways we can make a difference and how that difference will impact our happiness. Think of all the ways you are connected to and make a difference in the world around you. For example, the farmers that grow the food you eat; the people you pass by or say hello to in your local area; the people you help at work or in your community; the people you care about and who care about you; the doctors and nurses that treat you when you are ill; the street cleaners, rubbish collectors and park keepers that help keep our environments pleasant; the insects and plants that grow in your garden or window box and the birds that feed on them. (10 Keys to Happier Living, 2010) As you think about the connections you make on a daily basis, realize how making a difference in someone’s life can make you feel. Studies have shown that people who interact positively with others tend to experience more frequent and stronger positive emotions; feel more positive about the future; have greater life satisfaction; have higher psychological wellbeing; have more satisfying relationships; use their character strengths more and feel better about themselves. Living your best life is not just finding happiness in what you are doing, but it is also discovering and living at your full potential. So, how does one go about finding her or his purpose? Humans thrive when they feel useful and like they’re part of something bigger than themselves. Ask yourself what lights you up. Equally as important, ruminate on the things (or people) you always dread. Incorporate more of the good and avoid as much of the bad. By reflecting on your likes and skills, as well as what the world needs and how you might get paid, you’ll have a better idea of how to combine everything you uniquely bring to the world. If you’re not great at self-reflection, ask 3-5 of the people closest to you what they think you’re great at or how you make them feel. From there, work out how you can live life with more purpose. (Sang, 2022) Boundaries are important considerations as we move into a new year of living our best lives. As you contemplate your boundaries, make sure they are safe, accountable, and healthy. “Your boundaries should aim to provide you with the best plan for happiness moving forward. By establishing these boundaries for yourself, even when they are not particularly enjoyable at that moment, you create a system that allows you to create a healthy structure for your life and monitor your behavior. “Boundaries are what keep you from staying out all night, eating fast food every night, and adding structure and discipline to your life which adds to your overall happiness. Setting boundaries is a sign that you love and respect yourself and want to keep yourself healthy at the cost of possible gratification. Boundaries add structure and keep your life in harmony. “Boundaries are different for everyone as our limits and needs differ for everybody. Determining your boundaries is up to you.” (Haynes, 2022) Boundaries with yourself, like not eating out every night, or no phones before bed, should not be compared to New Year’s Resolutions – resolutions that are not necessarily kept. Boundaries are those limits you set on yourself in order to live your best life. Other boundaries can be physical, time related, or non-negotiable. The next post in this blog series will cover boundaries, how to set them, and how to enforce them in order to live your best life. References
10 Keys to Happier Living. (2010). Retrieved from Action for Happiness: https://actionforhappiness.org/10-keys Haynes, A. (2022, January 11). Top 5 Ways to Live Your Best Life. Retrieved from A New Era: https://aneweratms.com/top-5-ways-to-live-your-best-life-now/ Sang, A. (2022, April 29). 9 Practical Tips for Living Your Best Life. Retrieved from Mindset & Motivation: https://www.clevergirlfinance.com/blog/living-your-best-life/ |
AuthorI am a Performance Enhancement Specialist with a background in Emergency Psychiatric Medicine and Community Addiction. Archives
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