The problems we have been facing over the past several months have compounded into a week of freezing temperatures, loss of power, snow- and ice-covered roads, and loss of water for most of the country. One would think we are reaching our breaking points. But, true to the American Spirit, stories of people coming out and helping each other despite their own severe problems are peppering the news – dispelling some of the doomsday feeling out there.
Now is the time to pull together and strengthen our relationships with our families and friends, and with neighbors and strangers. According to Psychology Today, there are several things we can do at this time to avoid the behaviors that can break relationships during these unprecedented times. One thing we can do is start listening to not only our partner’s words, but our own reactions to those words. Informed listening focuses on fundamentals such as repeated behaviors, passive vs. active voice, internal vs. external point of reference, and listening to the body as well as the mind. (Pullman, 2017) Start by being open to feedback instead of having angry reactions to it. We know that communication is key to a good relationship, but sometimes, when we punish our partner by emotionally breaking down, giving them the silent treatment, or screaming at them, we’re telling them that we don’t want to hear what they have to say. We may provoke additional emotional distance by saying things we know will sting our partner the most. (Firestone, 2016) Try instead to find a kernel of truth in what our partner is saying and focus on that, providing an opportunity for open, honest communication. It’s important to be open to new experiences now as we go forward into our new world order. We have been sequestered with our problems because of COVID ford the past year, and now a week’s worth of sheltering without power or water on top of that has strained us to near breaking points. Now is the time to find new ways to resolve problems or to create new experiences to replace those we have lost. At all times we need to respect our partner’s boundaries, and try to not step over them. Without noticing it, we may be intrusive or controlling toward our partner, acting in a manner that is disrespectful or demeaning to the other person’s sense of self. When this happens, it not only hurts our partner and his or her feelings for us, but it undermines our strength and feelings for our partner. Many couples come to hold their partner responsible for their happiness, which leads to demands, complaints, and a sense of powerlessness. (Firestone, 2016) Now is the time to discover the concept of Healing Arts. The healing arts are creative practices that promote healing, wellness, coping, and personal change. Traditional healing arts include music, art, dance/movement, poetry/writing, and drama therapies. These approaches combine artistic expression with psychological awareness. (Pullman, 2017) In the next few blog posts, we will start looking at these healing arts individually, exploring various techniques to promote healing and personal change. References Firestone, Lisa. (2016 (August8) 7 Behaviors that Ruin a Relationship. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201608/7-behaviors-ruin-relationship Pullman, D. A. (2017). The Shades of Creativity. Annadale, Virginia: Independently Published.
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According to Britannica Encyclopaedia’s website, Valentine’s Day, also called St. Valentine’s Day, is a holiday when lovers express their affection with greetings and gifts. The holiday has origins in the Roman festival of Lupercalia, held in mid-February. The festival, which celebrated the coming of spring, included fertility rites and the pairing off of women with men by lottery. At the end of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius I replaced Lupercalia with St. Valentine’s Day. It came to be celebrated as a day of romance from about the 14th century. This year, Valentine's Day is celebrated on Sunday, February 14, 2021. (Encyclopaedia Britannica, 2021) OK. So now we know the origins of this holiday, but this year, 2021, is not like most years. We are in the very early stages of recovery from a devastating pandemic, where loved ones were lost. Those losses occurred through death, certainly, but there were other losses suffered. Couples forced to shelter at home in order to slow the spread of the virus did not always survive the unprecedented “closeness.” “What makes a person extraordinary is that he or she finds a way to tell a new story.” ~ Deepak Chopra Our story is part of our brain patterns. It is how we make sense of the world around us. As your world changes, whether for the good or the bad, pay attention to the signals your story is sending through your thoughts and actions. The secret of the story is simply this: we want to know what is happening next. (Pullman. 2017)
Wanting to know what is going to happen next is the signal to the brain to fire dopamine and start exploring the new, intriguing information that is unfolding. In other words, moving on to more positive feelings and thoughts. Of course, the grieving process must not be ignored, but dwelling in the negativity of grieving can be harmful. Take your time, but don’t bottle up your emotions. Over the long term stuffing your emotions down can lead to bitterness, fear, depression, a poor self-image and a jaded view of relationships. (Ajjan, 2019) Mindfulness is a good way to overcome the emotions and feelings of a breakup. “To manage the unpleasant sensations, thoughts, and feelings, try practicing deep breathing, body scans, meditation, and other mindful activities. Allowing things to flow freely, without trying to control, stop, avoid, or manipulate them, will make them less powerful, loosens their grip on you, and gives you the confidence and skill you need to act in the face of them.” (Ajjan, 2019) Finally, make sure you are taking care of yourself during this time of loss, grief, and broken heart. ReferencesAjjan, C. (2019, February 10). 7 Steps to Heal a Broken Heart. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dynamics-love/201902/7-steps-heal-broken-heart Pullman, D. A. (2017). The Shades of Creativity. Annadale, Virginia: Independently Published. The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. (2021, February 8). Valentine's Day. Retrieved from Britannica: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Valentines-Day My new course, Losing Weight Through the Power of Mind, or I Want My Body Back, is now available at UDEMY, an interactive online learning platform. The course is based on the first book in my Unique Style Fitness trilogy: I Want My Body Back The following description and information comes from the course landing page at UDEMY. The course is comprised of a series of animated videos illustrating the concepts in the book. It is self-paced so you can go through the modules on your own time, using the book as a reference. Course Description
This isn’t a typical weight loss course because when you lose something, you’re always looking to find it (e.g. weight gain). This is a transformative method to change your thinking and build confidence, so you can become successful in all areas of your life including finding your own unique style of fitness for living. Purpose The purpose of this course is to bring participants to the understanding that changing their lives is an inside job that begins with the mind. Course Competencies Upon completion of this course, the participants will be able to: 1. Condition their minds through repetition of I AM affirmations. 2. Recognize the tools to help them get into their own Success Zones. 3. Understand their own Unique Style of Fit. What is a Therapy of Thought? What is a thought? It’s a Mind Activator through words, energy and a vibrational connection with the universe to achieve whatever you want in life. Words that come into your brain are activated by your neuronal, or impulse-conducting cells, to bring messages to and from your brain for processing an action or idea. The Therapy of Thought is when these ideas enter the brain’s activated message center and have either a positive or negative impact on your thinking pattern. Most humans live on earth but never manifest themselves. What are the greatest human needs? Every human needs to feel that they were born for a reason.
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AuthorI am a Performance Enhancement Specialist with a background in Emergency Psychiatric Medicine and Community Addiction. Archives
December 2023
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