Self-sabotage can be seen as a pattern of thoughts and behaviors you engage in, often without even knowing it, that create obstacles to achieving your goals. (Lebow, 2021) Self-sabotage can either be done consciously or unconsciously. For example, someone trying to lose weight might just say, ‘I don’t care!’ and eat the whole package of cookies. That person knows what she or he is doing, but has given up, temporarily at least, the diet and given in to the urge to eat the cookies. On the other end of this spectrum, someone who wants to move up in the company misses a work deadline. This can look like that person is just running late, but in reality, she or he is afraid of failure, so misses the deadline, which stalls the goal of moving up. Perhaps they took on too much work on purpose, which forced them to miss the deadline. It's not always easy to determine if you are self-sabotaging, but there are some things to consider. The consequences of self-sabotaging might not immediately follow the behavior, making the connection unclear. One approach is to examine whether your behaviors are aligned with your long-term goals. If not, the behavior may be self-defeating. (Self-Sabotage, n.d.) How do you stop self-sabotaging? It’s not easy, especially when you are not aware of doing it in the first place. But once you examine your behaviors as mentioned above, you can identify self-sabotaging actions and work on stopping them. Some common ways of self-sabotaging include:
Some ways to stop the self-sabotaging behavior include: 1.Examine the Root Causes References
Field, B. (2023, February 23). Self-Sabotaging: Why Does It Happen. Retrieved from VeryWellMind: https://www.verywellmind.com/why-people-self-sabotage-and-how-to-stop-it-5207635 Lebow, H. (2021, November 5). Self-Sabotage: Why You Hold Yourself Back. Retrieved from PsychCentral: https://psychcentral.com/blog/overcome-self-sabotage Self-Sabotage. (n.d.). Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-sabotage?amp
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In 1959, Pete Seeger wrote a song based on the Bible verse Ecclesiastes 3. Turn! Turn! Turn! To Everything There is a Season. Seeger set it to music and recorded it in 1962, and it was released on the second album by the folk-rock band, the Byrds, in 1965. The Bible verse: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: Relationships have been strained over the past several years due to politics, opinions, and arguments. You are enough and you don’t need to continue to define yourself. It’s time to apologize for mistakes, accept others’ opinions and move on. When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger and resentment — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:
The past several years have seen a huge shift in the way people respond to each other. The political divide is even greater, with resentment and ill feelings on both sides. It’s time to move on. As the lyrics from the song and Ecclesiastes state: “There is a time …” Now is that time. Recognize that you are enough, and so are the people in your life. References
A Time for Everything. (n.d.). Retrieved from BibleGateway: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%203&version=NIV Mayo Clinic Staff. (2022, November 22). Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness. Retrieved from Mayo Clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692 How much are you worth? How do you determine your self-worth? There are several things to take into consideration when checking in with yourself. It’s easier to look at others and make judgements about their worth, but it is important to understand who we think we are, and how we perceive, honestly, what our worth is. Consider these six items:
Self-worth is more about who you are, not so much about what you do. Don’t confuse these two concepts. Sometimes self-esteem is synonymous to self-worth, but according to studies cited on the PsychAlive website, the two concepts are quite different. Dr. Lisa Firestone believes that self-worth should be less about measuring yourself based on external actions and more about valuing your inherent worth as a person. In other words, self-worth is about who you are, not about what you do. (PsychAlive, n.d.) We can’t always be better than everyone else all the time, which is what some take high self-esteem to mean. Measuring ourselves by comparison to others just isn’t a way to maintain high self-esteem or to measure our own self-worth. Consider these three related, yet different concepts:
Measuring your self-worth means taking an inventory of your INTERNAL feelings, values, and boundaries. Understanding those will give you an idea of where you need to continue working to improve your self-esteem without becoming focused on how you stack up compared to others. References
Ferguson, S. (2022, November 8). Why Self-Esteem Matters and Tips to Build Yours Up. Retrieved from healthline: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/high-self-esteem#takeaway PsychAlive. (n.d.). The Importance of Self-Worth. Retrieved from PsychAlive: https://www.psychalive.org/self-worth Thapliyal, R. (2021, September 15). 6 Ways To Know Your Value And Self-Worth. Retrieved from Global Image Magazine: https://indianschoolofimage.com/2021/09/15/6-ways-to-know-your-value-and-self-worth/ |
AuthorI am a Performance Enhancement Specialist with a background in Emergency Psychiatric Medicine and Community Addiction. Archives
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